Barking Snout
by Dark Day For Anime
Summary: A series of shorts which are a load of pants. Fear it. Really.
1. Barking Snout 01: The Bus

BaRkInG sNoUt  
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME  
  
1. THE BUS  
  
"You know, we wouldn't have been so late today if Usagi hadn't  
been held over in class." Rei sniffed as she, Usagi, Makoto and Ami  
wandered down the street towards Rei's shrine. "What did you do  
this time, odango-atama? Oversleep?"  
  
"I did NOT oversleep, Rei!" Usagi stuck her tongue out at the  
dark-haired girl, who did her best not to look smug. Makoto and Ami  
did their very best to look away, getting mightily tired of the   
pair's petty little squabbles.  
  
"I bet you did."  
"Didn't."  
"Did."  
"Didn't."  
"Did!"  
"Didn't!"  
"DID!"  
"DIDN'T!"  
  
Their arguing became increasingly loud as they ground to a   
halt. Ami and Makoto winced as others stared at them. Ami sighed,  
there was only one thing for it. She looked up the street and saw a  
bus approaching. She pointed to the bus and turned to Makoto.  
  
"Mako-chan, will you do the honours?"  
  
Makoto looked at the bus and shrugged. "Okay."  
  
Before they knew what was happening, Makoto pushed both Usagi  
and Rei into the path of the bus.  
  
SPLAT!  
  
As the two very flat sailors were carted away on the front of  
the bus, Ami sniffed appreciatively, clearing out her ears.  
  
"That'll shut them up for a while."  
  
  
  
^_^  
DDFA ayanami@internode.on.net  
29th Jan 1998 


	2. Barking Snout 02: The Concrete Block

BaRkInG sNoUt  
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME  
  
2. THE CONCRETE BLOCK  
  
"Dump me, will he?" Usagi marched down the street, angrily.  
"I'm not good enough for him, am I?" She spat with contempt,  
mixed in with a certain amount of bitterness.  
  
Yes, MaMoRu HaD dUmPeD hEr AgAiN! For about the third time in   
a week. She tried to work out what went wrong.... Was it the   
perfume she wore on their last date? Was she getting fat again,   
eating just one too many odangos? Was it because the brand of   
condoms they used the last time was inferior? Was it because of the   
economic downturn? Honestly, what the hell goes through a man's   
mind, sometimes?  
  
  
Meanwhile, Mamoru was wandering down the street, minding his  
own business, when from out of nowhere, a javelin stuck itself   
through his head!  
  
Ouch, he thought, and promptly fell to the ground, dead.  
  
  
Usagi walked past the construction site, still fuming. Just  
wait until the next time she saw him. She was going to give him a  
piece of her mind! (He needs it at the moment).  
  
"Look out, the cable's snapped!" She heard someone shout.  
  
She looked up just in time to see a large concrete block  
descending towards her.  
  
SPLAT!  
  
  
Oh well, thought Setsuna, scratch yet another Serenity and  
Endymion. Knew they weren't right for the job from the start.  
  
She lounged back on her deckchair, set high atop a building  
with a grand view of the Juuban district, putting down her   
binoculars, and picking up a pen and her 500 Year Diary.  
  
"Dear diary, there are benefits with regenerating into a   
woman. For one thing, I don't look like Sylvester McCoy...."  
  
  
^_^  
DDFA ayanami@internode.on.net  
29th Jan 1998 


	3. Barking Snout 03: In the Name of the Moo...

BaRkInG sNoUt  
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME  
  
3. IN THE NAME OF THE MOON....  
(Warning, naughty nasty evil four letter word in here, somewhere)  
  
The Youma leapt onto the top of the playground equipment as  
the Sailorsenshi ran into the grounds.  
  
"Ah, so there you are, my fine lovelies." The demonic  
woman said as she wriggled her tentacle fingers, thanking her  
manager she wasn't cast in yet another episode of Urotsukidoji  
or La Blue Girl.  
  
"So, you dare try to escape us, you fiend!" Sailorjupiter  
said leaping dramatically onto a seesaw, and promptly having the  
thing unbalance. She fell flat on her butt.  
  
"We know you have been stealing energy from the   
schoolchildren, Flatula, you won't get away with it anymore!" Said  
Sailorvenus shortly before she ran headlong into the horizontal   
bars, braining herself and sprawling over the ground.  
  
"Many of those children are now in hospital, and they may die.  
I shall never forgive you for what you have done." Sailormercury  
tried to come to a screeching halt and make a pose, but slipped in   
some mud, fell on her back and slid into a small waterchannel that  
ran alongside the playground.  
  
"Are you ready to fight us, Flatula? We shall not give you a  
quarter of the fullest of our powers." Sailormars charged in,   
tripping over a swing and coming down heavily on her face. Well,  
it was dark.  
  
"Flatula, prepare yourself for my wrath." Sailormoon said,  
finally. Oh crap, thought Flatula, here comes the speech. "In the  
name of the moon, I do declare.... Contraceptives should be used on  
every conceivable occasion."  
  
INSERT LARGE CROWD CHEERING.  
  
"Police are numbered in case they get lost."  
  
INSERT LARGE CROWD CHEERING II - THE SEQUEL  
  
Flatula facefaulted.  
  
"Sailormoon. Get lost." Flatula pulled out a large revolver  
and blew Sailormoon's brains out. The other Sailorsenshi stared in  
horror at their fallen comrade.  
  
"Oh my GOD! You killed Usagi. YOU BASTARDS!" Mars looked  
at Flatula, who shrugged.  
  
"Why are you complaining? You never liked her anyway."  
  
"Oh, well, since you put it like that. Have a nice day. And  
don't forget to pay our appearance fee." Jupiter smiled as she   
helped Venus carry Sailormoon's body away.  
  
  
Sailoruranus and Sailorneptune watched the scene.  
  
"Neptune..."  
"Yes dearie?"  
"Do you ever get the feeling we're doing the wrong thing by  
trying to run off with peoples' heart crystals?"  
"No, dearie."  
"Didn't think so."  
  
After a few quiet moments, Uranus spoke again.  
  
"I suppose a fuck is out of the question?"  
  
  
^_^  
DDFA ayanami@internode.on.net  
29th Jan 1998 


	4. Barking Snout 04: Guess Who's Coming to ...

BaRkInG sNoUt  
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME  
  
4. GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER  
  
Hotaru stirred the pot, happily, as Setsuna, Haruka and   
Michiru watched her.  
  
"She seems so much brighter, these days. I'm glad she's   
finally started taking her Prozac." Michiru smiled, sweatbeads   
running down the foreheads of her compatriots.  
  
"Yes, well, she really seems to be into this cooking thing.   
I'm glad I suggested it." Setsuna smiled and walked out of the  
kitchen as Haruka leaned over to Michiru.  
  
"Her old man is coming over, isn't he?"  
"Uh-huh." Michiru nodded.  
"I hear he's still having side-effects of the possession."  
"Uh-huh." Michiru nodded.  
"Doesn't it concern you?"  
"Uh-uh." Michiru shook her head.  
  
Haruka looked at Michiru for a few moments. "Still having   
problems opening your jaw, I see."  
"Uh-huh." Michiru nodded.  
"Look, I'm sorry, but for a moment there, you REALLY did look  
like David Letterman." Michiru scowled at Haruka. "Hey, take it   
easy. It was a dream, okay? Its not my fault you spiked my drink   
in the hope of getting me into the sack a lot quicker..."  
  
THUMP!  
  
"Owie!"  
  
  
Professor Tomoe stared through his telescope at Setsuna's   
house. "Ah, do you see it, Kaorinaitu-kun. The home of the enemy."   
He grinned like a banana as a red-headed woman in a red minidress   
scratched her nose.  
  
"I wonder if I'm missing the red dress sale." She wondered to   
herself, then sparked up. "Is that so? The home of the enemy?"  
"Indeed, but it is so far away."  
"But it looks closer through the telescope, doesn't it?"  
"Indeed."  
"So lets get there by crawling through the telescope."  
"Aha, a brilliant plan."  
  
Two minutes later, after squeezing their way through the   
telescope, Professor Tomoe and Kaorinite stood outside the front   
door of Setsuna's residence. The Professor laughed maniacally.  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Cough cough! "Now, Sailorsenshi,   
face the wrath of TOMOE!" He pressed the doorbell, which played the   
Dr Who theme.  
  
The door opened with an audible creak. Two dark eyes met the   
evil duo. "YoU rAnG?" Asked Setsuna.  
  
"Indeed, Setsuna. I am here to KILL YOU ALL! I mean, eat   
dinner."  
"I sEe, WeLl, YoU bEtTeR cOmE iN tHeN...." Setsuna opened the   
door and saw Kaorinite standing behind the Professor.  
  
"AnD wHo MiGhT tHiS bE?"  
"Ah, just a lady friend."  
  
Setsuna eyed both the Professor and Kaorinite. Large   
sweatdrops appeared on their foreheads. "I sEe." She turned and   
walked into the house. The Professor looked through the doorway   
into the front hall, which was roughly the size of the Cistine   
Chapel.  
  
"Jeez, its bigger on the inside." He pushed his glasses up   
his nose and rubbed his chin. "One of these days, I'm going to have   
to grow a beard and psychologically abuse my son named Shinji." He   
and Kaorinite entered the house.  
  
  
Everyone was sitting at the table.  
  
Haruka and Michiru stared at Kaorinite, who was staring back.  
"Don't we know you?" Haruka growled threateningly.  
"No."  
"Oh, that's alright then." Haruka turned to Hotaru, who was   
bringing a large soup pot into the dining room. "Hmm, that smells   
delicious, Hotaru-chan. What is it?"  
"Sailorjupiter and Leek soup."  
"Mmm-mmm. Now doesn't that just sound mouth-watering."   
Haruka smiled. "I take it you still have some Sailorjupiter left in   
the fridge?"  
"Yeah, but its so tough. Not much good for anything other   
than soup stock."  
"What's for the main course?" Michiru licked her lips.  
"A real treat this time. Leg of Sailormars in a Buttered   
Usagi sauce. Followed by Artemis and Custard for dessert."  
  
Kaorinite looked from Hotaru to Haruka, to Michiru, to Setsuna   
and back. "You mean.... You're eating your comrades?"  
"Shit, yeah." Haruka smiled sweetly. "They were such a pain   
in the neck, we had to do something with them."  
  
Kaorinite put a hand over her mouth, looking rather pale.   
"May I use your bathroom for a few moments?" She turned to Setsuna,   
who nodded and smiled.  
  
"Yes, just through the doorway there, down the passageway for   
a couple of miles, and its the 3000th door on the left. You can't   
miss it."  
  
Kaorinite ran from the dining room, making some glurping   
noises. Haruka shook her head. "That's the problem with our   
enemies. Just no staying power."  
  
  
Hotaru placed the soup pot on the table and was about to ladle   
its contents into everyones' bowls when she suddenly clutched at her   
chest and croaked.  
  
"Oh no! Scragged by Total Allergy Syndrome." She fell to the   
floor. Professor Tomoe jumped to his feet.  
  
"My daughter! You killed my daughter!"  
"No we didn't."  
"Yes you did."  
"Oooooooh no we didn't!"  
"Oooooooh yes you did!"  
  
The Professor crackled with energy. "Now, in the name of   
Pharaoh 90, you must DIE!" Setsuna flicked his off switch, and he   
stood like a waxwork dummy.  
  
"Jeez, how easy it is to scrag these Autons. It was   
masquerading as the good Professor." Setsuna turned to Haruka and   
Michiru, who had picked up Hotaru and were trying to slap her round.   
"Is she dead?"  
  
"Nah, just resting."  
  
"Good. Put her to bed. And watch out for her lamp   
collection. It was bloody well near the ceiling the last time I   
looked."  
  
  
^_^  
DDFA ayanami@internode.on.net  
29th Jan 1998 


	5. Barking Snout 05: Lets Go, Gekiganger!

BaRkInG sNoUt  
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME  
  
5. LETS GO, GEKIGANGER!  
  
One day, Usagi came charging into Setsuna's humble abode   
whilst the elder senshi was counting the royalties.  
  
"Wh... What are YOU doing in here?" She said as she quietly   
shuffled 20 billion yen under the carpet.  
  
"I came through the front door."  
"This is not somewhere you can reach that easily."  
  
Usagi shook her head wildly. "I haven't come here to have an  
argument over how I got in here."  
"Yes you did."  
"No I didn't."  
"I tell you, you most certainly did."  
"I did not."  
"No no no."  
"Nonsense."  
"I'm telling you..."  
"Look, will you stop distracting me whilst you hide the   
royalties under the carpet."  
"Oh, you spotted that...."  
  
"Look, our show...."  
"What about it?"  
"Its been cancelled."  
  
Setsuna raised an eyebrow. "I see. I expected as much."  
"The ratings for the early part of Sailorstars was really   
crappy. So they decided to pull the plug on us."  
  
Setsuna nodded sagely. "Hmm... Sounds about right."  
  
Usagi looked at Setsuna. "You.... Did you already know about   
this?"  
"I'm sorry, Usagi. I can't explain these things to you. You   
must understand, I only see an approximation, the possibilities, of   
the future..."  
"Bullshit. You already knew."  
  
Setsuna shifted her feet uncomfortably.  
  
"I saw you wearing that blond wig.... You're going for the   
role of that scientist woman in Nadesico, aren't you?" Usagi   
pointed a finger at Setsuna accusingly.  
  
Setsuna hid the blond wig with the royalties. "Oh come on,   
Usagi, that's rampant paranoia. They'll never kill off Sailormoon.   
There shall always be sequel OAVs."  
"So why are Haruka and Michiru hunting for roles in various   
potential shoujo anime productions. I hear they're going to take   
the roles of sisters who have an incestuous lesbian relationship,   
but are really the reincarnations of angels who committed some   
treasonous act against God at some vague point in the past and have   
to die in various horrible manners repeatedly as punishment...."  
  
"Sounds like fun. Can I join?"  
  
"TALK SERIOUSLY, you stupid, green-haired bint." Usagi   
gritted her teeth. "Then there is Hotaru...."  
  
"What about her?"  
"She's bleached her hair and re-dyed it blue. Now all she   
does is wander around, looking pathetic and scrawny, and saying   
'hai' to anything anyone says to her." Usagi scratched her head.   
"Or is that ordinary behaviour for Hotaru... I can't remember   
anymore.... Whatever, she's taken the lead female role in some   
piss-ant mecha show with religious overtones...."  
  
Setsuna nodded. "Hmm, yes, I must admit, all this sounds very   
grim indeed. But remember, we'll always have Paris."  
  
"Eh?"  
  
Before Usagi could do anything, Setsuna was out of there with   
the royalties....  
  
"Waddayaknow. She scarpered..."  
  
  
^_^  
DDFA ayanami@internode.on.net  
30th Jan 1998 


	6. Barking Snout 06: Left Turn at Albequerq...

BaRkInG sNoUt  
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME  
  
6. LEFT TURN AT ALBEQUERQUE  
  
Naru wandered down the street, with Gurio in tow, wondering   
why the hell nothing was trying to eat her today. "I have a bloody   
contract." She muttered. This was most unusual behaviour on the   
part of the monsters.  
  
"Didn't you hear?" Gurio muttered from behind her.  
"What?"  
"They've gone on strike. They're having to employ scab labour   
for this week's show, from other tv porgrams."  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"EXTERMINATE!"  
  
From nowhere. a beam of energy fried Gurio on the spot. Naru   
stared down at his corpse. "Oh that's just great. Now who am I   
gonna have for a boyfriend, eh? Why is it MINE that always ends up   
dead?" She sniffed for a few moments, pulling out a knife and fork.  
"Oh well, waste not, want not."  
  
Before she could start eating Gurio, two large robotic beings   
appeared in front of her.  
  
"DO...NOT...MOVE."  
"YOU...SHALL...OBEY...US."  
"WE...ARE...THE...DALEKS. WE...ARE...YOUR...SUPERIORS."  
  
Naru stared at the Daleks for a few moments. "Ah, just what I   
need." She grabbed them and tipped them upside-down over Gurio's   
body, shaking salt and pepper over him.  
  
"Ah yes, add to taste." She said happily. She them tossed   
them aside, where they came face to face with their mortal enemy,   
the staircase.  
  
"AIEEEEE! THEY...HAVE...STAIRS...ON...THIS...PLANET!"  
"RUN...AWAY! RUN...AWAY!"  
  
They scarpered.  
  
  
Naru happily munched on Gurio for a while, glad for once that   
he'd followed her. Suddenly, there was a wheezing and groaning   
noise behind her. She turned to see a blue box with a flashing   
light on top appear. The door to the box opened, and a woman with   
green hair and red eyes, wearing a floppy hat and a scarf appeared.  
  
"Ah, excuse me." She said. "This wouldn't happen to be Gaea,   
would it? I have a couple of Guymelefs some guy named Dilandau had   
put on order."  
  
"No, sorry. This is Earth."  
  
"Bugger! The Phantom Moon AGAIN! Why the hell do they have   
to have such a difficult to find address!" The woman slammed the   
door and the blue box disappeared.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Sailormoon and Sailormars were chasing Youmas who   
had attacked an international conference of intellectuals, draining   
each and every participant of every drop of intelligence they had.  
  
"Where did these Youmas come from? I thought they were on   
strike." Sailormoon queried as she and Sailormars bounded over the   
tops of buildings in pursuit of their hooded quarry.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe Jadeite tricked us."  
  
CUT TO PICTURE OF JADEITE, LYING IN HIS BATHTUB, DRINKING BEER   
AND READING HUSTLER. HE NOTICES WE'RE WATCHING.  
  
"Don't look at me. I've got nothing to do with it."  
  
CUT BACK TO THE CHASE.  
  
"Look, Sailormoon!" Mars pointed ahead. "They've stopped   
running in that graveyard! It looks like they're going to fight   
us."  
"Oh well. How should we do this? Run around ineffectually   
for about five minutes before zapping them with a pathetically   
simple attack? Or should we play dirty and kick 'em in the nuts?"  
  
"We do what we normally do."  
  
"Ah, alright then. Coward mode on!"  
  
  
The pair landed in the graveyard as the five dark figures   
watched them, silently.  
  
"So, you thought you could get away from us, did you?" Mars   
shouted.  
  
"Well, that was part of our plan." Said one of the Youmas in   
a squeaky voice."  
  
"You cannot escape us, Youmas, for I am Sailormoon. And in   
the name of the Moon, I'll punish you!" Sailormoon struck a pose,   
and Mars sweatdropped.  
"You know, it looks so silly when you do that."  
"Better than your pathetic little effort." Usagi retorted.  
  
The Youmas laughed. "We are not afriad of you, Sailormoon.   
Are you ready girls?"  
"Yeah." Said her compatriots in a squeaky voice. They leapt   
high in the air, throwing off their cloaks, and landed on the   
ground, dramatically.  
  
"GINGER!"  
"SCARY!"  
"BABY!"  
"POSH!"  
"AND I'M SPORTY!"  
  
All in unison.... "Together, we are the SPICE YOUMAS!"  
  
"SUPER MEGA ATOMIC FIRE SOUL BURNING MANDALA FLAME SNIPER!"   
In a instant, the Spice Youmas were ashes. Usagi stared nervously   
at the puffing Sailormars, who had sweat dripping down the sides of   
her face.  
  
"Sorry." She said. "Reflex."  
  
  
^_^  
DDFA ayanami@internode.on.net  
30th Jan 1998 


	7. Barking Snout 07: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor...

BaRkInG sNoUt  
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME  
  
7. BISHOUJO SENSHI SAILORPSYCHO  
  
One day, whilst walking to school, Usagi saw two young boys   
tormenting a cat. So she rescued the cat by SmAsHiNg ThEiR hEaDs   
ToGeThEr, ThEn RuNnInG tHeM tHrOuGh WiTh A lArGe AxE sHe FoUnD iN   
hEr DaDdY's GaRaGe.  
  
The cat seemed ever so grateful for being rescued, but had   
trouble getting off a bandaid that had been stuck to her forehead.   
So Usagi rEmOvEd It WiTh A hOt PoKeR sHe'D fOuNd In A nEaRbY   
fUrNaCe.  
  
The cat started to speak, telling her that it was ever so   
thankful for saving her from the young boys. Usagi, thinking the   
cat was possessed, SpReAd It LiKe A fInE pAsTe OvEr ThE rOaD! Then,   
realising that she was five minutes late for school, ran off before   
the cat had time to tell her she was supposed to be the princess of   
some ancient moon kingdom.  
  
  
When she got there, she found that she had once more come last   
in the latest mock exam. That Mizuno Ami girl had come first. So   
she went to Ami to congratulate her on her success by PlAnTiNg A   
bAsEbAlL bAt In HeR hEaD! Having had her intellectual capacity   
reduced to half, Ami thanked her, as she would now be able to enjoy   
life for once and not be such a miserable, grade-obsessed whimp.   
Usagi was always happy to help someone in a moment of crisis.  
  
  
During the lunch break, she saw that that Kino girl had once   
more gotten into a fight with a gang of boys. Naru and Gurio tried   
to stop her intervening, so she BuRiEd ThEm Up To ThEiR nEcKs In ThE   
gArDeNiNg MaNuRe and told them to stay there or else they might get   
hurt. As Makoto smacked the living bejeezus and begorrah out of the   
UsElEsS lItTlE bAsTaRdS, Usagi helped by ChOpPiNg Up ThE eXtRaS wItH   
a NiCe LiTtLe ChAiNsAw ShE kEpT iN hEr lUnChBoX. When they were all   
beaten up or dismembered, Makoto thanked her, took one of the better   
looking boys and proceeded to do unspeakable things to him behind a   
tree. Usagi liked Makoto, she was a girl of her own heart.  
  
  
After school, Usagi went to see her friend, Rei, who lived in   
a shrine on top of a hill. Rei went on and on and on about all the   
bad things that Usagi would do. So Usagi LiGhTenEd HeR uP bY   
hEaDbUtTiNg HeR. Rei was down for the count for a while, but then   
got up quickly and started crapping on about manga, boyfriends and   
the latest styles of meathooks from which to hang human bodies from.   
She was back to normal once more! After eating the raw flesh of an   
Amazonian Three Toed Sloth, they performed a Devil Worship ceremony   
and asked the Lord of Darkness what the results of next week's Japan   
Cup would be. "10, 17, 6, 9." He said. "And don't forget to bring   
me back some of those dumplings from the bakery. The last lot were   
delicious."  
  
After waving byebye to Rei and Lucyboy, Usagi wandered. It   
had been a tiring and stressful day, and she needed to relax. So   
she went over to Mamoru's house, BeAt HiM sEnSeLeSs, TiEd HiM uP aNd   
PeRfOrMeD uNsPeAkAbLe AcTs upon him for about an hour and a half   
until she was totally refreshed.  
  
"Same time tomorrow, then?" He asked as she was leaving. She   
nodded and wandered home. On her way, she was promptly attacked by   
Jadeite and a couple of Youmas.  
  
Police wondered who the gibbering, blond-haired man was when   
they picked him up on the sidewalk, next to the two piles of dust,   
the next morning....  
  
  
  
Setsuna sat at the keyboard of her computer and giggled   
inanely as she typed the litany of disturbed rantings. But,   
unbeknownst to her, three figures crept up from behind, and grabbed   
her!  
  
After a short fight, she was tied up, gagged and put into a   
sack. Haruka, Michiru and Hotaru wiped their foreheads as muffled   
cries of protest emanated from the brown yarn bag.  
  
"Thank KAMI we caught her this time." Said Michiru. "She   
almost succeeded in changing time yet again!"  
  
"Next time..." Haruka pointed. "...Make sure she takes her   
medication!"  
  
  
^_^  
DDFA ayanami@internode.on.net 


	8. Barking Snout 08: Dear Artemis, Dear Lun...

BaRkInG sNoUt  
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME  
  
Disclaimer - all characters pertaining to the series Bishoujo Senshi  
Sailormoon are owned by Takeuchi Naoko, Bandai and Kodansya.  
  
That's about the only relationship this shares with the original  
show.... And talking about relationships (dysfunctional, thereof..)  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
8. DEAR ARTEMIS, DEAR LUNA....  
  
  
Dear Artemis,  
  
I'm sorry, but the relationship is over. You're a lazy   
conceited little bastard who never gave a thought to any of my   
feelings. Time and time again, I tried to make something of our  
relationship, and you go and muck it all up....  
  
Well, no more. I've found somebody else. Someone from a   
nice, stable family, who is intelligent, witty and charming. He  
has lots of interesting friends, and he comes from a household that  
is completely devoid of anyone with the capacity to transform into  
some bimbo in a short skirt!  
  
His name is Mikan, and he's more tom than you shall ever be.  
  
  
Luna  
  
----o  
  
Dear Luna,  
  
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You think I give a stuff, don't you, you   
dumb slut. You think I care whether you just dump me for some   
boring, know nothing ginge from a lesser-known anime tv series.   
Let's face it, bitch, the guy keeps a picture diary.... Not exactly  
my idea of sophistication.  
  
You think I like having to hang around bimbos in short skirts?  
Shit, yeah, I like the idea. With you being so stuck up all the   
time, I had to resort to getting my rocks off with these ugly human  
females.... Being cuddled and mollycoddled like that.... Really  
pisses me off....  
  
Well, now I've found myself a woman. A real feline mama!   
She's a talented performer and she's BITCHIN' in a fight. She ain't  
got much in the ways of smarts, but hey, when you want to get it on,  
they're the ones to go for.  
  
Tata, I think I hear Felicia calling me now. See you in your  
next life, Frigid-san!  
  
  
Artemis  
  
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DDFA ayanami@internode.on.net  
  
  
9th May 1998 


	9. Barking Snout 09: Makoto's Secret Recipe

BaRkInG sNoUt  
by DARK DAY FOR ANIME  
  
Disclaimer - all characters pertaining to the series Bishoujo Senshi  
Sailormoon are owned by Takeuchi Naoko, Bandai and Kodansya.  
  
That's about the only relationship this shares with the original  
show....  
  
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9. MAKOTO'S SECRET RECIPE  
  
  
"Wooooaahh...." Usagi said as she hazily stared around the  
room, munching on one of Makoto's cookies.  
  
"What is it, Usagi?" Makoto stared at her as she pulled  
another batch from the oven, the almost sickly sweet smell of warm  
sugar filling the air.  
  
"I can see castles."  
  
"What castles?"  
  
"Castles on the Moon...."  
  
Makoto placed the tray of cookies on the table to cool.  
"Yes, well, that is hardly surprising."  
  
"Why? Because I am the Moon Princess?"  
  
"No, because of the finest Bolivian Green I use in my  
recipe...."  
  
----o  
  
Meanwhile, somewhere on the other side of Tokyo....  
  
"PallaPalla wanna join World Snooker Championship!"  
  
PallaPalla stood on top of the Amazoness Quartet's tv,  
pointing to the screen, where highlights of the Championship were  
being shown. Her three compatriots, sitting on the sofa on the  
other side of the room, rolled their eyes.  
  
"Look, I know you have some skill at Snooker, Palla...."  
VesVes began. "But.... You are missing some vital aspects of the  
game...."  
  
"Pallapalla did very well at local tournament. PallaPalla  
won Special Trophy." She whipped the trophy from behind her back  
nuzzling against it with her cheek, cooing.  
  
"Well, yes, you did win that.... But that was more because  
of the problems you caused to the opposition." Cerecere, crossed  
her arms. "You see, Palla.... You're not supposed to insert your  
cue in a portion of their anatomy where the solar rays cannot  
penetrate...."  
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Please don't hurt me. I plead diminished responsibility.  
  
_________  
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)  
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@internode.on.net  
/\  
\/ \/  
\___________/  
/_/ \_\ PU  
  
Version 1.0 - Wednesday October 28th 1998  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
"PallaPalla thought it was a good winning strategy...."  
  
"Shh..." CereCere pushed Palla out the side door. "The  
spamfic is over.... No complaints...."  
  
"Easy for you to say...." JunJun huffed. "I didn't get   
any lines."  
  
"That's because you ask for too much in your contract."  
VesVes knocked her one over the back of the head and marched the  
pair of them after their partners as the set for "Waiting for   
Minako" Part 14 slowly falls into place.... 


End file.
